Living with Conviction by Toby Dorr
Living With Conviction by Toby Dorr is an unbelievably true story about a prison break. Lifetime also featured this story in the film, Jailbreak Lovers.
On February 12, 2006, Toby Dorr helped John Manard escape from prison at The Lansing Correctional Facility.
In her free time, Toby served as a volunteer at the jail, assisting inmates with training dog through her Safe Harbor Prison Dog Program. She met John during the course of this program where they developed a relationship.
When John was 17 years old, he tried to steal a car with an accomplice, Michel Yardley. During the course of the carjacking, Michael accidently discharged a gun and killed someone. However, there is a law known as felony murder where a person can be charged with any murder during the commission of a felony. For example, if you decide to rob a store, and a do-gooder tries to stop the crime but accidently shoots and kills someone, you can face felony murder charges. The idea is that felonies are inherently dangerous, and you knew or reasonably should have known that death was possible.
However, that really translates into that people who never even pulled the trigger end up facing life sentences. By all accounts, John Manard did not shoot the victim, but he is serving life as a murderer.
Toby Dorr and John Manard spent 12 days on the run before there were apprehended by authorities.
So what made Toby Dorr decide to help John Manard? Read this book, and you will find out.
First, I thought that the story itself was riveting. This is my first real life prison break story, and Toby Dorr also details her experience with other high-profile convicts.
Second, Living With Conviction would be perfect for a book club. There are a lot of really interesting topics discussed in this book. And some that were not discussed.
Prison Reform
As a licensed attorney, I received 2-4 letters per year from inmates. These letters always break my heart because 1) I don’t practice criminal law so I can’t provide them legal assistance and 2) prisoners are often out of sight, out of mind.
In 2017, on three separate occasions, there were maggots in the food at a Michigan prison. Even Adnan Syed, the star of the Serial podcast, has suffered from a lack of medical care while in custody. If you have a problem while incarcerated, where do you go for help? You can’t just leave. Personally, I feel horrible for the incarcerated population who is largely forgotten by society.
In Living With Conviction, Toby Dorr details her difficulty in securing employment with a felony conviction. Convicts not only serve the time but carry with them the burden on a criminal conviction.
People Pleasing
Do you know why Toby Dorr helped John Manard? *SPOILER ALERT* Because she could not say no. She struggles to articulate her needs.
Toby shares a story about the time her husband spent every weekend golfing. When she noticed that her husband was spending every weekend apart, she decided to sign up for golfing lessons. He told her that he only “golfs with his friends.” Why didn’t she say, “Great! Pick me up at 10!”?
She also complains that her sister told her not to even look at her children during her father’s funeral. Why did you listen to your sister? Why does she let other people dictate her actions?
Personally, it seems to me that she is still struggling to learn how to articulate her needs. In my circle of friends, we call it “telling the truth in love.”
First, Toby needs to be able to speak up for herself and tell people (particularly men) no. She attributed this all to her father’s motto of “Never complain.” However, if you read Games Mother Never Taught You by Betty Lehan Harragan or Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office by Louis Frankel, women are socialized to people please. Women are taught in school to raise their hands, wait to be called on, smile, and work quietly.
Toby shares an example of when the prison administrator came to her cell to ask her if he could get her anything. She then asks for some books and some Chapstick. However, she waited for him to ask her what she needed. She didn’t proactively ask to speak with him, and she didn’t bring up her needs until after he asked her.
Later, during her prison stint, Toby files some paperwork to get additional items as options in the commissary. Again, she knows how to work the system, but she doesn’t speak up in an unstructured environment.
For example, her father told her to work on her marriage. She didn’t tell her father about her persistent marital problems or even level with him, not even telling him that that ship sailed long ago.
She makes a point that her mother approves of her terminating her marriage. Toby actually mentions her mother’s approval twice throughout the book, indicating that this is an important point. However, Toby is a grown woman! She doesn’t need her mother’s permission!
Toby gripes about her divorce settlement. Why did she agree? Her husband wanted to divorce her, and she didn’t have any urgency. She was just waiting in prison.
At some point, she decides enough. She is going to be the captain of her own ship, and she goes way overboard. When her son is dying from cancer, she bursts in to see him against his wishes. She also causes a scene at his funeral.
This is one case where the truth is stranger than fiction, so I am rating this book 5 stars. However, there are two negatives regarding this book.
One: Toby should have utilized a ghost writer to assist in crafting her story. The prose is not as polished as a professional writer, and I was extremely impressed with the ghost writer in Bitcoin Widow.
Second: There are not a lot of details regarding the relationship between Toby and John. She really glossed over the 12 days on the run. I wanted the juicy details of what exactly led up to the escape, their time on the run, and their wild police chase. The statute of limitations should have lapsed for all of their crimes so I would think this would be fair game.
Overall, Living With Conviction is a riveting true story about prison break, perfect for discussing with a friend.
*Thanks, NetGalley, for a free copy of this book in exchange for my fair and honest opinion.
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